Start the Conversation

Prepare for a difficult conversation, find the words to begin, and practise what to do when it gets hard.

Difficult conversations are often hardest before they begin. You may know that something needs to be said, but not how to say it without making things worse.

This guide helps you clarify what matters, find a way to begin, and prepare for what might happen next.

01Clarify what matters

02Find the words

03Practise the conversation

Private by design. Your responses stay in this browser and are not sent to Zoom Psychology.

Before you begin: Is it safe to have this conversation?

This guide is intended for conversations where it is reasonably safe to speak openly. If you are concerned that raising an issue could lead to violence, threats, intimidation or retaliation, your safety matters more than having the conversation. Consider getting support before deciding how or whether to raise it.

Step 1 of 6Name the conversation

Name the conversation

What is happening, or what do you need to talk about?

You don't need to write the whole story. A sentence or two is enough to name the conversation.

Write a few words about the conversation before continuing.

Step 2 of 6Know your purpose

Know your purpose

What matters most in having this conversation?

Difficult conversations become easier to navigate when you know what you most want from them.

Step 3 of 6Find the heart of it

Find the heart of it

Separate the situation, its impact, and what you need now.

What is happening, or what happened?Start with what you observed rather than what you think it says about the other person's intentions or character. A few sentences is enough.

What was the impact on you?What did you feel, think, need or experience because of it?

What would you like from the conversation?A few sentences is enough.

Complete the three short reflections before continuing.

Step 4 of 6Anticipate difficulty

Anticipate the difficult part

What are you most concerned might happen?

Choose any that fit. We'll use your answers to help you prepare.

Choose at least one option before continuing.

Step 5 of 6Build your opening

Choose the moment as well as the words. Where possible, choose a time when neither of you is rushing, highly upset or distracted. For an important conversation, it can help to let the other person know you'd like to talk rather than beginning unexpectedly.

Build your opening

How would you like to begin?

There isn't one perfect way to start. Choose the style that feels most like you. You can change the words next.

Step 6 of 6Stay in the conversation

Stay in the conversation

Conversations don't always go the way we rehearse them.

Let's practise one of the moments you said might be difficult.